This weekend

Dear Mom,
I loved it when I got to talk to you this weekend...I'm still stuck at work...its freezing outside...I've been stuck in the same clothes from Friday till now....I've been shovling snow like crazy..but its all worth the over time( the only thing that sucks is there is no housekeeper, so whatever guest room I get today, I'll have to sleep in a bed that someone who I don't know will have allready been sleeping in the bed before me(yuck!!!!) Oh Well,
I hope your doing good Mom and its only 2 more weeks now till I can come and see you and Dad...are you excited?
I love you Mom very much..
Love your daughter Sarah

Good morning Mom

Dear Mom,
I just wanted to tell you good morning, and that I love you very much...I'm sooo stoked that in four weeks I get to come visit with you and Dad...
I hope you have a good day, and to know that I am thinking of you..
Love you,
Sarah

Good evening Mom

Dear Mom,
Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you..I hope your having a good week,
I've been a good girl..and having a good week..
Talk to you soon,
Love you very much,
Sarah

Cool Mom

Dear Mom,
That is cool, I hope you and Dad have a good Thanksgiving.....
I can't wait to talk to you and see the pictures...
I love you very much,
Love your daughter,
Sarah

Hello Mom

Hell Dear Mom,
I hope you had a good week..I did, I really enjoyed talking to you the other night..
Are you going to blog again? Dad told me that you got a new camerea, maybe you can take a recent picture of you and Dad, and send it to me..I'd love that!
I hope to talk to you soon,
Love your daughter,
Sarah Ann

Hello Mom

Good morning Mom,
I hope your having a good weekend...I had a good one, but I'm glad this is my friday, I'll also be glad that I have a few days off...
I'm getting so excited about coming, are you excited about me coming?
I'll be good for you this week, and I love you very much..
Love and hugs, your daughter Sarah

Mom

Dear Mom,
Its not just Lisa that is hitting, I used to hit her back, harder than when she hit me...when she sees that I'm not fighting back she is getting calmer...we only get in these fights when both of us, skip our meds,etc. She usually isnt a violent person..just very very jelous, childish, game playing...she is jelous of the relationship i have with you and Dad, she wants to be a part of it, and I say no, you can't...then she wants the spankings that you and dad are going to give me, and i say no to that...
I guess I'm too kind hearted of a person, that is why its easy for people to walk on me, but I'm getting stronger, I don't put up with the abuse anymore from my birthmom( sometimes its like I'm being punished for being born to her, at least she didn't raise me) I'll explain everything when I am with you and Dad...I hope we can sit and talk when I'm there..I really hope we do..
I love you Mom, thank you for being here for me..
Love your daughter,
Sarah

Mom

Dear Mom,
Thank you for calling, it made my day...after I got off the phone with you, Lisa's company left, and we got into an argument, she hit me, but I walked away, and went into my room...I can't belive I walked away..first time...I hope your proud of me for walking away..
Anyway, I love you Mom, please don't work too hard..I can't wait to see you and Dad.
Love your daughter,
Sarah Ann

Today

Hello Mom,
I hope your doing good..my day was interesting..but mainly I was down all day...I accidently left my mp3 player at work and someone stole it, I told Lisa about it, but all she could do was say, oh well who cares..
But I"m feeling better now, I went out and bought a nintendo ds system, and that will keep me occupied for a while...
I gott run, and get into my room( Lisa is having her family over tonight, so that means I gott migrate to my room, so I won't get introuble...
I love you and take care Mom,
Love, your daughter,
Sarah

Good evening

Hello Mom,
I'm doing better...but I'm getting tired of this depression state I'm in...I try to get out of it, but at least now I'm not hurting myself again( I got in trouble with Dad about what I did earlier)
I sent you and Dad a copy of my plane ticket..hope you got it...( are you excited that I'm comming soon?)
I hope things slow down for you Mom, and I hope that I can talk to you soon,
I love you very much...
Love, you daughter,
Sarah

Thank you Mom

Thank you for writing back....you've just made my morning....I changed the picture on my myspace page...now its of Tommy Cooper, greatest comedian ever!
I love you and you take care Mom,
Love you, Kisses
Love your daughter Sarah

My feelings

I'm back to feeling depressed again..no matter how much I try to shake it it won't go away..I feel like everything is against me(I'm getting tired of what is going on here at work...its hard to have a girlfriend as your boss..at least I don't have to worry about arguing about work at home..I just shut her mouth if she tries)
All I know is that I want to get better...this depression wears me out so bad...I was getting up set over nothing...I just turned around and hit a cement pole as hard as I could to get the anger out..didn't feel any pain though...but now the side of my hand is swollen and bruised.
Good news though, is that I'm going to be mentoring new volunteers at the Humane Society! I'm going to teach them how to properly care for the dogs,etc... I can't wait to start that!
I love you Mom, and it won't be too long till I get to come to see you and Daddy.
Love you, take care, and good night

Good night

Mom,
I read the article, and I think what it was saying was, what I earn(or win) is not mine but actually God's(am I right?)
I'm also sorry about the word I wrote on Myspace....I was just being funny(not to mention tired also), but I'm sory if it offended you....Are you going to punish me for it? :(
But I do love you Mom, and I hope you have a good weekend..
Love,
your daughter Sarah

Mom

Mom,
I'm sorry..I have forgotten what you wanted me to look up...I found a local charity that helps the homeless people have a thanksgiving dinner on Thanksgiving...I gave $50.00 to the charity. This is the first time that I have ever given to a charity besides the Humane society...
Please tell me again Mom what you wanted me to look up and I'll do it and write a blog about it.
I love you Mom and talk to you soon..
Love your daughter Sarah

Today..Monday

Hello Mom,
Today I took myself to the Zoo(I'll send you and Dad my flickr link so you can see them,as soon as get them up on the computer)
It was a beautiful day here, so much of the animals were out. I hadn't been to the zoo in who knows how long...
Its now been 1 week and 2 days no tobaccoo, and also I've stoped using those pills I told you about...not sleeping as good, but getting there..
So by the time I get to your place, I"ll have had all my addictions kicked(but now I gotta work on my language, before you and Dad get ahold of me)
Have a good week mom and I love you..I hope I'm making you proud of me
Love,
Me

I love you

Mom,
I love you very much and am being good...Everything is going good so far...
I hope you have a good weekend and hope to talk to you soon,
I love you,
Hugs,
Love Sarah :)

Today

It has now been four days sense I quit tobaccoo...I think I've gotten over the withdrawls, but its still going to be hard..but I'm doing it...
I've slowed down with the urges to put something in my mouth, I was getting tired of eating all the time..now its back to normal.
My mood has been good, I've been more cheery, etc. I'm proud of myself..
I hope your doing good Mom, and I love you very much.
Love your daughter

Today

Today was a excellent day! I was born again into Christ...thanks to my Daddy, who helped me.
After I got off the phone with him, I took a long walk..then had lunch with Lisa, then I went grocery shopping, and am going for another walk with Lisa, and then staying home.
Its been about 48 hours or so with no tobacco, its been really hard, but I'm doing it..I made a promise to myself, my mom and Dad and to Lisa, but most inportantly to God, that I"m never going back to chew again...I also cut that pill in half that I told you about Mom, and going to wing myself off of it..I'm slowly changing Mom, but I"m still going to be an little brat deep down..
I've been thinking of you all day, and I love you very much( I hope I don't make you upset enough to take me "fishing" when I'm there..
Talk to you soon Mom,
GOod night

Today

Well, I feel alot better now, that I got all the crying out of my system, and that I told you Mom, what I have been doing...And it makes me happy to know that you and Dad are here for me... I'm about to heat up some dinner(well kinda dinner...frozen pizza), what Dad said you two were having sounded good.
I'm still feeling ancy...but doing better...I played with my cat to help the jitterness get out of me, I also took a long walk too...
I'll let you go for now, though.....Like I said I can't wait to fly to your place....I also can't wait to be hugged by you and Dad..that is what I need now..
But I love you Mom, very much..I hope to hear from you soon...
Kisses and Hugs..

This weekend

Well not much is happening right now..I've put up a new pic(well taken last year) of me and a new pic of Lisa taken last week.
I was down for awhile...my stupid birth mom is giving me trouble again..I'm so good to her, and then she turns around and treats me like hell...I don't get it..I should have never tried to find her in the first place...she is half the reason I have problems now...I do things I shouldnt, just to make me feel better, I'm not talking drugs like marjana(sp), its something else...the only one who knows what I'm doing is Lisa, for now, then I come and visit you and Dad, I'll tell you everything. Lisa tries to help me on things but is clueless half the time...Like you know, I had turned to watching suicide videos to make me feel better, but with your help, I don't watch those..now its something different...
I wish I could leave everything here and move to be with you and Dad, but right now all I can do is talk to you, and in January come to visit, I know that I am loved by you and Dad, and Dad wll set me strait(and you too) on many things...
I guess I gotta get back to work....
I love you Mom alot, I'm thinking and praying for you all the time...kisses from your daughter

Today

Dear Mom,
I had a great day today..I was at a meeting all day at the Humane Society, doing a refresher course on dog walking, cat and dog showing, dog training,etc...I actually paid attention(usually if something goes on for a while I gotta fidget or draw or zoom into space)..but I didn't this time.
So tonight when I finish this blog, I"m going to make a burrito, call my friend April in Oklahoma, and then go to bed..Tomorrow I'll go out for breakfast, do some laundry,and call Dad and you, then go to bed early cause I work Thurday mornings from 4-8am, then that starts my work week.
I hope you have a good night Mom, I love you very much...
When you get a chance Mom can you write me? About anything you want..
Good night

Random thoughts

I havn't blogged in awhile so here I go..
Yesterday I went to the Humane Society to pick out a dog to take to Katu studio to be pet of the week, It was a mad house when I got there, sense we were having our telethon from the Humane society and Katu. I found a dog, which is a beagle named Maggie May. So I took the dog today to Katu. very good dog but it jumped onto my lap while I was driving 32...not good..
Here is a story for you:
A couple of years ago I was inside a cage with a lovley dog, the dog lunged at my face to give me a kiss and my head(I was sitting down) hit against the concrete wall, so hard that it knocked me unconcious(sp), I don't know how long I was out but when I came to, the dog was staring right in my face...so I got up and left.
Another time I was there, I was trying to get out of a cage without the dog coming with me. The cages have something like a doggie door that you can close if you want the dog either in the fromt of the cage or in back, so i got the dog infront of that door, and ran to jump down to slide thru the door, well I missed the door and hit my knee on the wall, so hard that I actually saw stars for a bit...
Well that is all for now..I hope you have a good day Mom and what do you want me to write about next?
I love you

No Santa Paws

I just found out that I don't get to be Santa Paws this year!!!!!!!
I'm so bummed out I was looking forward to it....oh well..
I'll have my pictures taken professionaly so you and Dad can have a recent one of your daughter.
I love you talk to you soon..

Nothing New

Hello,
Well nothing new has happend to me....other than being sick for a little while, but am feeling better now...
I'm keeping my fingers crossed that on Nov. 9th, I get to play Santa Paws again this year(I've been doing this for 3 years now)..Its fun to dress up like Santa, and instead of kids(which they do come but not as often) You have animals on your lap. and also their families too...Two years ago someone brought all of their animals to have their picture taken with Santa(me), that even included a horse, who tried to eat my beard off..then almost ate the hat off, very friendly horse.
Well I gotta get back to work. I hope your work settles down for you Mom and that you can relax some..
I love you very much

Random thoughts

Isn't it interesting on how you do a good job and work hard, and then someone oh say like your boss, turns around and gives someone who has only been on the job fo 3months or so, gives her 4 hours a week, while your still stuck with 36? I've been at this job almost 3 years. My boss, just fired someone and turned around and said, sarah, I"ll get back to you on the new schedule... and I found the new schedule in our box...and I just started crying, it hurt so bad knowing that she gave some young jeck who I hate, more hours when it is I who works hard here, I have more respect from the residents herer than anyone...i do what Lisa tells me to do,etc.
So I'm going to confront her on Monday pofessionaly(by then I'll have my tears out), and tell her what I think of her schedule(oh yea, she(the boss) also scheduled herself to work 2, 4hours a week, when I could be working one of those 4hour mornings, and that would toatal my hours to 40..that would make sense huh?
It hurt me so bad on what she did, that I was crying all night long and couldn't stop..
I can't wait till January and come home to Mom and Dad...
I love you Mom

A favorite song of mine..

Mom,
Here is one of many favorite songs of mine, sense I sound like a cow when I sing, I'll type it out just for you...Its by Johnny Cash..and It's called When the Man Comes Around..here we go.
And I heard as it were the noise of thunder, one of the four beasts saying come and see and I saw, and behold a white horse....
There's a man going round taking names, and he decides who is free and who's to blame, everyone won't be treated all the same, there will be a golden ladder reaching down, when the man comes around.
The hairs on your arm will stand up, at the terror in each sip and each suck, will you partake of that last offered cup? Or will you dissapear into the potters ground? When the man comes around.
Hear the trumpet, here the piper, one-hundred million angels singing, multitudes are marching to the big kettle drum, voices calling, voices crying, some are born and some are dying, its alpha and omgeas kingdom come, and the whirlwinds are in the thorn trees, the virgins are all trimming their wings, the whirl winds are in the thorn trees, its hard for thee to kick against the priest.
Till armagidon no shalom, no shaloom(Iguess that is what he said), then the father hen will call his chickens home, the wise man will bow down before the throne, and at his feet they will cast the golden crown, when the man comes around..who ever is unjust let him be unjust still, who ever is rightious, let him be rightous still, whoever is filthy, let him be filthy still, listen to the words long written down, when the man comes around...
And I saw in the midst of the four beasts, I look and behold a pale horse and the name it said on it was death, and hell followed with him.
I love you Mom

Proms

This is a blog of my two proms(well 3)..
My first prom was in 11th grade...I remember the boy I asked out was named Robert Loffink..I forgot were we went to, but his mom set it up to where his aunt and him picked me up at my house in a lemozene(sp) like car( side note here..it was cute because one of my elderly neighbors was peaking out her door when this happened)..Then we got to where ever we went to, and we won a door prize..a box of chocolites...afterwards a few of the couples went out to see a movie..my date and I went with them and shared the box of candy..
My senior prom I took my boyfriend at the time(the one who i wrote about, who is hooked on drugs now)...I remember he couldn't stand being there because there was no dancing and no smoking..I don't remember much about that prom..Then we went to his highschool prom..we danced(I don't like dancing, never have never will), Then we went from there to his cousins house who bought us beer, and that is when I learned how to chew(never mix chew and beer at the same time) I thought we were going to tip the car over because my head was spinning from the new experiance of chew, and the beer(side note here...I had been having sips of beer and wine sense I was 3, I have a picture that my adopted mom took of me taking a sip of beer from her brothers beer can, while he was holding it, I had to have been about 2 or 3 at the time)
Well that is all for now...What would you like me to write next Mom?
I love you very much...Kissess

When I was in 6th grade....

Hello Mom,
This is what I remember of when I was in the sixth grade.. I remember still having recess(my favorite thing)..after lunch two of us would be assined to watch over the younger children going from the cafeteria(which was on the other side of the campus which we shared with the high schoolers and the college kids)..I remember one time when I was done with lunch early(I even scarfed my food then), I was the first one on the playground..I climbed up on the monkey bars and layed accross the top of them then reachingunder them I flipped over them and lost my grip, and fell to the ground(I was allways falling), then I remember that we had to go to outdoor school, I hated that..I didn't want to be away from home, and what made it worse was when we had to shower..I protested so much that I ended up taking one by myself(I had gone thru pruberty before anyone else, actually I had hit puberty by the time I was in 5th grade..yep I had gone thru everything) but the people and the school never understood why I was so stubbon as to not take a shower..I didn't care..I remember making a friend to whom I am friends with today(the only person I am friends and keep in touch with from school) April, she and I had alot of things in common, we were both shy(she out grew that but mine has gotten worse to a point), and we are both adopted(we both found our birthparents, mine has been h--- on earth and hers don't care about her...but we had many happy days together, and a happy summer. I'm about to run out of space so I'll write you later...and talk soon, I love you...

When I was in Kindergarten

Hello Mom.
I remember when I was in Kindergarten, I went to school in this little house, that was on the property of elementry/high school/college, campus. I think I only went to kindergarten 1/2 a day... but I do remember the kids teasing me because I was quiet, had trouble learning,etc. I remember I was trying to get out of this one room and a kid was on the other side holding the door shut, finally he let go and I went flying back and hit my mouth on a wooden chair..I used to though get all of my bible verses right(I went to Christian school), and getting awards for being the quietest there...The babysitters that I went to lived right across the street from the kindergarten..so she and her son who was one year younger than me, would walk over to their house when school was done...I remember one time though, her son and I were throwing apples(I think they were apples, don't remember what), and they went thru the neighbors window( I couldnt' sit for a while after the babysitter got done with my bottom), Then I lost my grandpa(on my adopted Mom's side) sometime in September of when I was in Kindergarten, I don't remember much about him(my adopted Dad's Dad died in 1973, so I never knew him), but I have alot of memories of my two grandma's growing up....
Well that about does it for now...
Here is something I'd like you to do Mom, I would like you(when you get a chance/and or want to) tell me what you think about me, I know that sounds weird..but I want to know how you feel about me..what I can do to make you proud of me, and what do you expect from me when I come to visit with you and Dad.
I love you very very much

When I was Sixteen

Hello Mom,
Lets see, when I was sixteen I was in highschool(freshmen or sophmore), My two favorite things about being in Highschool was Lunch and Gym( I also played on the girls basketball team)..I was also volunteering for Adventist Medical hospital.I loved doing that(I did that up until I graduated from high-school and got a $750.00 scholar-ship for volunteering) I was going to church then too...and in church is where I met my ex-boyfriend(we also broke up in the church parking lot years later)...When I had my sweet-sixteen birthday, someone said sweet-sixteen and never been kissed(which I hadn't by him yet) so a little kid came up and she gave me a kiss, thinking that they meant no one has kissed me in my life..funny)
I also baby-sat for a neighbor much of the summer(its sad, though, the mom and stepdad of the children would always come home drunk..then tried to get me to drink..which I did a little), I think that is about it for this year of my life...what year would you like to see next Mom?
I love you and talk to you tomorrow....Good night and hugs

When I was Ten

Mom, I would love to tell you about anything you want to know..
I had a pretty good life when I was growing up...The thing I remember when I was ten was I was a pretty active kid, climbing trees(falling out of them), rollerskating,etc. I had a few friends that were mainly from the neighborhood, and one friend from school. During the summers I would always go up to either WhiteSalmon Washington, or Goldendale Washington to visit my Grandmas...Sense my birthday was during the summers I got to have my parties on mybirthday(the kids from school would show up, but didn't bother to talk to me anyother time) I was pretty much a quiet kid, getting in trouble once in awhile(like throwing rocks at moving cars), Also I bought my first kitten when I was ten, the kitten was a calico cat, very pretty I named her Caroline.
So that Mom, Is pretty much it for when I was ten. When I get a chance I will put up some pictures on Flickr of when I was a kid..sound good?
Talk to you in the morning! I love you
Hugs,
Sarah

Hmmm

Here it is..12:17am...bored out of my mind..and having nicotine withdrawls(only thing about that is I'm irritable, cranky, and jittery...
But I feel bad cause I didn't call you and Dad last night...I'm sorry...but I am going to call in the morning to talk to you and Dad...I do love you two though, I hope I didn't make you mad for not calling..:(
Talk to you soon,
I love you

Friday

Good Morning...
Well nothing exciting has happened during the night...same old quietness...but one thing that was cool though...I went all night without chewing(tobacco that is), if I can keep this up then I'll be tobacco free when I come to visit..No withdrawls yet...So I'm going to go for another walk outside, and then deliver some mail to the residents doors...then climb back on the computer and watch some videos that I have saved as favorites on youtube...
I hope you have a good day at work...I'll be good today too(it's hard though to get into trouble when I am sleeping)
I love you Mom,
Love Sarah

Today

Well I'm about to go to sleep so I'll be able to stay awake all night at work...Today's been really good..I went down again to the humane society(last night when I went was fun), so now I"m ready to grab a bite to eat, and lay down...
I"ll write more tonight from work as things start happining,
I love you

Tuesday NIght

Hello,
I won't be able to get on the computer tommorow, but I"ll be able to call you mom(and dad) tomorrow night...so I thought I'd blog now..Its been quiet here...I'm so sick of a certain person(not Lisa) who say that I'm rude and mean, and a inconsiderate person, I'm about the nicest person you can meet, I think of others alot more so than myself, all I want to do is please people. I'm so glad that I know you and Dad now, I know that no matter how much I get punished from you two, I know that I am loved, and you love me for who I am, something that one person in my life does not accept( again I"m not talking about Lisa), I broke down crying so hard, I almost lost myself, and almost put my hand thru a window..Lisa had to hold me until all I could do was crumple down...I wanted to talk to you, but it was too late to call(10:00pm your time), but all I can do now, is think of when I get to be with my parents, you two have me now..brat and all :)
I'll try to be a good girl for you and Dad...only a few times will you have to spank me or send me to the corner(or what-ever else in punishment you have in mind)...I better go for now..I wish I was there mom so you can tuck me into bed(will you do that mom? Please?) I love you..Talk to you tomorrow..Good Night

Tuesday Morning

Good Morning,
I woke up this morning in a great mood..I just put in the oven the chocolite chip muffins( I wish I knew how to send you one mom..:)
Today I"m going to work out for awhile at the gym(at work, if we work out for a certain amount of days during the week we get an extra $10.00) Then I"m going to come home and maybe watch a movie and call my friend in Oklahoma, and then call my mom and dad tonight..I love them both...I wish I could send myself in a envelope to them and show them how much they mean to me and show them how much I love them...
Well I'm going to jump off my blog..so I"ll blog tomorrow night..
Love,
Sarah Ann

Today..Monday

Hello,
Today was a excellent day...I spent most of it cleaning my room, and car..took my self out to Olive Garden Resturaunt..then on my way home, I got to talk to my dad, and when I got inside my home, I got to talk to my momma...
I'm proud of my self..I've behaved so far, no swear words(although I almost slipped when I was talking to dad)..
So tonight, I"m going to watch the show In the heat of the night that I have been taping, and go thru some mail, and spend time with my cat.
I love you Mom and Dad,
Good-night

Feeling better

Hello,
I am doing much better after talking to my mom and dad this morning, and getting some sleep. Today is going to be boring.. you know, clean room and house, cook,etc...I may go down to the humane society to spend some time with the animals..don't know yet..its just boring as heck now...at least I have a few days off now until Thursday...
I'm going to get off the computer now...Take care Mom,
Hugs and kisses,

Being down..

There is one thing I hate about life is you never know when depression is gonna hit ya...I was doing fine..then in the middle of the night..it hits..sitting here at work with no one to talk to, doesn't help either...Lots of things are running in my head..am I really loved? Why am I here(on earth< I know why at work)...am I really a nice person, and most of all what is wrong with me? I love my friends and my mom and dad....so why can't I be happy all the time and not cry? I've never thought about suicide(that is why I watch the suicide videos, somehow they make me feel better..)
I just wish that January would be here like, now..so I can be with my mom and dad..which is what I need now..I wish I could be sitting inbetween them and I could feel the love from both of them( which I do now but more so then)
I gotta get back to work...Mom, when you read this I love you so much..and dad I love youtoo, please don't ever leave me..and I'll do my best to make you two proud..
Love you

Bored, out of my mind

Well this is my second day with this blog that I have created...so far nothing has happend, except for the occasional stupid something coo or what-ever is making high pitched sreechings in the trees, annoying! But along with this cooing, there are sounds of froggies that are lurking out there in the dark...I gotta get me one of those little ipod thingys, that way I can listen to my favorite music, and not be bothered by froggies(although I love to listen to them, just not all night, and plus I can still here the phone here at work, and walking duing the night time with music on isnt a good idea I know..but oh well.
Hmm, I hear someone calling my name so I better go for now...blog later...I love you mom and dad!

My First Blog...

Hello Everyone,

I got this idea from some very sweet people I know(Momma and Dad)...I love them alot..Will Blog later